10- There is nothing beautiful about the act of childbirth- Trust me, those of you who have seen this already know and those of you who do not believe me are not parents yet.
9- Many new born children really favor Danny Devito- They are short, fat, and nearly bald if not all the way bald. If you ask me, that's a lot like Danny Devito.
8- When you are already half asleep and exhausted, no one speaks your native tongue- They may be speaking English when they talk to me, but I have no idea what they are saying.
7- New born children know the exact moment that you get comfortable- In fact, their volume while screaming is directly linked to how comfortable you are at the time.
6- Leaving the ribbon off of your door and mailbox fools no one- People inherently know when you have brought a child home from the hospital and really need your rest. They will show up on your doorstep in droves.
5- Facebook starts to suck more than normal- All the sudden you will come very curious about the guy in China that's a "friend" of a "friend" and is commenting on a picture of your 2 week old because your sister in law just had to post a new one.
4- New born children can be used as a weapon- When I no longer want you in my home now, I feed my Son, then shake him up, and hand him to someone I want to leave. Those of you who have had an infant know what will happen next, those of you who have yet to become parents will learn on your on.
3- You had a plan- Had is the key word of that statement and planning is a nice thing to think you can do. But in all honesty, it's like a boxing match, everyone has a plan until they get hit and then it's just a fight.
2- Before the child arrives, you will think that you have way too many diapers stored. Then you realize that they really go through those things faster than you could have imagined.
Clean cloths make infants sick- Literally! If you are wearing nice, clean cloths what ever you do, do not pick up they child.
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JL Boney, III - Columbia, SC Realtor - Russell and Jeffcoat Realtors
I specialize in Columbia, SC real estate and the surrounding areas, including Blythewood, SC, Kershaw County, Fairfield County, and Lexington, SC. If you are in the market to buy or sell a home in Columbia, SC or any of the surrounding areas, I would love the opportunity to speak with to see how I can help. Thanks for reading and feel free to contact me if I can be of service to you.
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And then there's college in 18 years!
Featured in the Group "Whacked!!!"
JL - LOL Cute post! Congrats on being a Dad!
Richard- That does mean that they will move out though right? Thanks for the feature my friend.
Paige- Thanks!
Congrats J.L. That would be the first 10 things you learned. There's something else coming your way everyday from now on.
JL, I'm laughing because even though it's been a while, I do remember how exhausting and totally overwhelming it was to have a baby in the house. Wonderful but totally overwhelming. I remember walking Michael, my first born up and down the driveway every night from 7 to 9 while he screamed his little head off for no reason. Nursing him every 2 hours around the clock for weeks on end. But oh. I would look at him and marvel at his beautiful perfection. I had motheritis big time. No other baby born to the world was as beautiful as either one of my boys. But I do agree that childbirth is not for the faint of heart. I remember the nurse asked me if I wanted a mirror so I could watch. I told her if I could do this from another room, I would and no thank you, I wanted no mirror because I had no intention of watching. Yuck. And I won't even get into the pain. But worth everything. Enjoy it. Sleep when you can and be kind to your beautiful wife because believe it or not, this is much harder on her as she isn't 100% yet and won't be for quite a while.
I take it your kid hasn't peed or pooped on you. Nothing like explosive poop that a diaper just can't contain...
But then there is nothing like a child's giggle. The deep genuine laugh of someone truly happy.
There is nothing like having a child snuggle on your chest, falling asleep, and fully expecting you to do the same.
Then they turn three and learn to say I hate you.
Ah...parenthood is a special journey. Welcome to the club and your sense of humor will help your survive.
#4 made me crack up. As a new Grandpa twice over 9 days apart to 2 boys they can Ralph on me but there is no way I'm going home. Period.
Wait till you get to the 'guy' way of checking a diaper for poo and then you have arrived. You will never look at your finger in the same as before DAD!!!!!!!!!
JL..there is no collega course to help you with this life lesson. It is on the job training.
JL - Having gone through this phase four times so far, I can attest to the truth of your statements. :)
I learned 1,205 things from being a father with a girl with a cell phone. I went to the wirless store to pay my phone bill and there was $1,205 for texting. It took a while to talk them in to lowering the bill and now I have a unlimated plan.
Jarrod
www.thecolumbiahomeinspector.com
My little boys have made me cry. I cried when they were born... it is an amazing thing. I cried the first time they each laughed... it is an amazing sound. I'll cry when they drive... my car.
JL,
My oldest son was so-o-o-o-o-o-o-o ugly when he was born I thought I saw my self at age 80 or so.
You are so right about clean clothes!!
I personally am a fan of #4 where you feed the boy, shake him, then hand him off. LOL
I've been here before. I remember like it was yesterday. And i wouldn't change a thing about it. But this is very funny and TRUE.
I was just thinking about you this afternoon, wondering how you and your new little addition were doing. Now I know! GREAT post! True, and brilliant!
CONGRATULATIONS! (And, #$4 was my favorite, too). My child was perfect and never spit up or threw up!! (Or maybe all the years that have passed have affected my memory.)
Have fun!
I've had the pleasure of watching my daughter and son-in-law learn these lessons too. And so many more wonderful things, like how wonderful it feels when they snuggle up against you. One thing I have to mention though - my grandson was beautiful.
JL: Congratulations! As a father of twins, I wish you all the best.
Store these sweet memories as well as you can. Someday they will keep you from locking your boy in the garage for the night when he decides to use a blow torch in his bedroom to work on an eighth grade science project.
My advise is take it one day at a time and some days take it one minute at a time
shelton
JL - Congrats! Just wait, you'll keep learning and I bet we see a few more top 10 posts here....
JL - Remember ... you will have a long ride as an ATM Machine. May the diapers have a dampened smell and may the wide eyes beauty of parenthood envelop you and your wife. Best ride of your life. Cheers!
JL - I knew about (through the grapevine) number ten. I hear it looks kind of like you are squeezing a grilled cheese sandwich.
Congratulations, JL. Alan May sent me over here, he featured you in a blog today. JL? JL? Are you awake?
The most exhausting tired I have ever been in my life is during the first few months after each child was born. I remember just dragging to get anything done, never feeling rested. BUT it's worth every bit of it. They are the greatest gift ever, the little ones that are added to your family. Congratulations and enjoy as much as you can... you learn to sleep when they sleep.
Hey JL, Jason's remark is so wrong, so wrong man.
You and Jamie take your naps when you can.
Priceless list...glad to see you still have your sense of humor, in spite of little sleep!