JL's Columbia SC Real Estate Blog: This Too Shall Pass, As Shall We

This Too Shall Pass, As Shall We

 When I was 19 years old, my Father's Mother Grannie Boney as I caller her, passed away. She had developed symptoms that were comparable to Allshiemers and at times she could be quite a handful for anyone in her midst. In fact, prior to her illness, she was already a handful. She was the type of person that if it popped in her head it immediately shot out her without a second thought nor the first regret.

 I helped my Aunt care for her for the last couple months that she could not be left alone and I was there at her house the night she died. From there we went through the wonderful task of making arrangements for her funeral and the process of setting those arrangements in motion. It was the first time that someone I was truly close to passed away when I was old enough to understand and at the time, though I could accept what happened, it was a huge learning experience.

 At 24 years old, I was standing at the foot of my other Grandmother's hospital bed the second she crossed over to the other side. A lot had happened in five years and I had learned a lot more about the acceptance if the things that I could not change. Death after all is a part of life and no matter how you try, you will never make it out of this life alive. I helped my Mother with the arrangements of all of this situation, and once again went through the motions setting those arrangements to actions.

 Shortly after this was another chapter in the course of history, my Mother and I made the decision that it's too difficult to make these arrangements on short notice. Plus, since she and I could not come up with a viable plan for when she would check out, we made the decision to plan ahead. So will my Mother is alive and well, we have already revised her will and planned her funeral. We're both pretty off the wall individuals, so it was not a somber experience despite the concept of what we were doing. I even attempted to try out a coffin that she had picked out, but the funeral home would not allow me, and my Mother begged me to stop embarrassing her.

 No matter how hard we try, death in this life, is something that we will all face. Loved will make there way across the divide and we too shall someday pass. No matter how prepared we are, I don't believe we are ever truly prepared, we just learn to accept what we can't change and deal with the harsh realities when they come our way.And for those of us who have had loved ones returned to the soil, then you understand this all too well.

 If youare still reading this, then in all honesty, your attention span is much better than mine. However, if you still are, I would like for you to do me a favor. There is a member of AR that today understands these situations all too well, and it would be nice to send some encouraging words her way. She can be found here on a blog she wrote this morning. So, if you have an opportunity, please stop by and let her know she will be in your thoughts.

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JL Boney, III - Columbia, SC Realtor - Coldwell Banker Residential Real Estate

 I specialize in Columbia, SC real estate and the surrounding areas, including Blythewood, SC, Kershaw County, Fairfield County, and Lexington, SC. If you are in the market to buy or sell a home in Columbia, SC or any of the surrounding areas, I would love the opportunity to speak with to see how I can help. Thanks for reading and feel free to contact me if I can be of service to you.

Office- 803-788-1450     Cell- 803-730-9601     Email- James_Boney@Yahoo.com

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Comment balloon 34 commentsJL Boney, III • May 20 2009 11:08AM

Comments

Hi JL~ I have lost too many immediate family members over the years (Father,brother and sister)  and grandparents, so I can empathize with those that have!  It is a very tough, and you can only deal with it one day at a time. 

Posted by Vickie McCartney, Broker, Real Estate Agent Owensboro KY (Maverick Realty) about 9 years ago

JL, dropped by Connie's post and left a comment, these are definitely tough times in ones life.

                                                                          ~ Life is Good

Posted by Roy A. Peterson, P.R.E.I. (Domicile Analysis of Texas) about 9 years ago

hard on the outside... soft on the inside... that's our JL.

Posted by Alan May, Helping you find your way home. (Coldwell Banker Residential) about 9 years ago

JL - thanks for posting, I dropped by Connie's and left a comment and said a prayer.  I am glad that you and your mother could get a laugh out of your prep work.

Posted by Mike Saunders (Lanier Partners) about 9 years ago

Thanks JL... I stopped by and left a note.  I am lucky that my parents have there ends all planned out.  They did it because of a tradgic death in my family.

Posted by William Feela, Realtor, Whispering Pines Realty 651-674-5999 No. (WHISPERING PINES REALTY) about 9 years ago

JL - What Alan said:)  Good prospective, my friend.

Posted by Jason Sardi, Your Agent for Life (Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina) about 9 years ago

JL...

Acceptance of the inevitable is a big step towards understanding the circle of life. Sounds like you and your mom have a wonderful relationship, and maybe a little morbid curiosity!

I'm off to check out the other post.

Posted by Richard Weisser, Richard Weisser Retired Real Estate Professional (Richard Weisser Realty) about 9 years ago

JL- Death isn't easy to accept.  I lost my grandparents at an early age and it was hard.  It was years later when I lost someone even closer than my grandparents when I learned to accept it.  I changed perspectives and realize our time on earth is but a blink of an eye compared to the eternity we will spend with our loved ones in heaven.

Posted by Kim Peasley-Parker (AgentOwned Realty, Heritage Group, Inc.) about 9 years ago

JL --- very interesting and a very smart thing for you and your mother to do.  I've lost both of my parents and plans had not been made for either.  It's a lot to go through after they have passed on.

Mama Liz's Signature

Posted by Liz Loadholt, Realtor--Broker-in-charge - Trainer--Relocation Director Covering SC (Liz Loadholt- AgentOwned Realty- Covering SC) about 9 years ago

JL:  Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I hadn't been by Connie's blog before now.  Liked this post, by the way. 

Posted by Chris Ann Cleland, Associate Broker, Bristow, VA (Long and Foster REALTORS®, Gainesville, VA) about 9 years ago

I will check out the ActiveRainer's blog JL......not an easy subjec to talk about!

Posted by Kristin Moran, San Antonio,TX - Real Estate - 210-313-7397 (Owner - RE/MAX Access - KristinMoran@Remax.net) about 9 years ago

Hi JL-Trying out a coffin. OH boy and I thought Jason S was the off the wall one. LOL (Sorry Jason nothing bad meant by that)You have learned a lot at a young age and death is never easy for sure but as you said it is a part of life whether we like it or not. Great post. <SMILE>

Posted by Sharon Lee, Retired and loving life (Sharon Lee's Virtual Assistance) about 9 years ago

JL, you are a sweetie.  Sounds like you and your mom have a special bond.  This is all something we should all be thinking about even tho we don't want to. 

Posted by Alyce Martin, Albuquerque - THE Place To Be! (The Realty Group, LLC) about 9 years ago

JL, we are all so busy trying to make a life that we forget death is what expect us all. Looking into the future we never plan on dying, but I think we should, I dealt with death recently and symphatize with you, i will follow your advise and will drop by your friend and leave a better note.

Antonio

Posted by Antonio & Alexia Cardenas, "The Realtors In Motion" (Alameda County - San Leandro, CA.) about 9 years ago

I'll go to the other post as well.  I stuck it out with you to the end.  I agree that it is too hard to make those arrangements after the fact.  Why now know where you are headed now.

Posted by John Cannata, Texas Home Mortgage - Purchase or Refinance (214-728-0449 http://TexasLoanGuy.com) about 9 years ago

You've given me something to bring to my mother and grandfather's attention, as I will probably be the one who has to handle all of those details for them should anything happen. You are right, we all will pass that way, if it be God's will for us to go that way (there is another option for those of us who are alive when HE comes back, don't you know) and it's good to be prepared. Oh, and I'll stop right on over to the other post. Thanks for sharing this.

Posted by William James Walton Sr., Greater Waterbury Real Estate (WEICHERT, REALTORS® - Briotti Group) about 9 years ago

Your very wise for being so young.

Posted by Lyn Sims, Schaumburg IL Area Real Estate (RE/MAX Suburban) about 9 years ago

Hi JL,  Interesting post.  Sounds like you learned a lot about yourself also.

Posted by Bill Gillhespy, Fort Myers Beach Realtor, Fort Myers Beach Agent - Homes & Condos (16 Sunview Blvd) about 9 years ago

Thanks for sharing your experiences and for passing along Connie's information as well.  It is never easy when anyone you know personally passes, but it is exceptionally difficult when it is someone close.  They say time heals all wounds, and that may be true,  but sometimes it takes a whole lot of time.  It's been almost 16 years since I lost my grandmother and there isn't a day that goes by I don't think of something I wish I had asked her...or something I wish we had found the time to do together.  

I have to say though, my family being "off the wall" ourselves, we had more of a party than a funeral for her.  Even down to singing the very silly songs that always made her laugh.  It's what she wanted - to be remembered for the fun-loving off-the-wall red-headed lady with the wicked sense of humor that she was rather than to have everyone sitting around crying because she was gone.   We are all blessed with wonderful people in our lives, and while it hurts terribly to loose them, we are all better off for having known them.

Take care of yourself and those around you.  And never, ever, miss an opportunity to tell someone you love that you love them.

Posted by Kellie Fitzgerald (Kellie Fitzgerald - Chiricahua Real Estate) about 9 years ago

"This Too Shall Pass"

I graduated from a small private school; Valley Christian Scool in Missoula, MT, to be exact.  Among the multitude of forced religious traditions, we had chapel every Tuesday, and every senior was required to prepare a 'sermon' of sorts for the High School chapel. Interestingly enough, the title of mine was "This Too Shall Pass".

When I was 17, my stepfather gave me his '79 Ford F150, a smooth running diesel I took to the bus stop a total of three times before I totaled it near my house.  Going around a sharp dirt-road corner, running about 40 MPH, my back end fishtailed, I overcorrected, and when the tires caught I was sideways in the road.  When the truck slammed into the bank it rolled onto its top, busting out my windoes and flattening my cab.  Without a seatbelt on, I found myself on hands and knees on the roof of the cab, from whence I scurried out the passenger window, cutting my hand open in the process (my only injury). 

When I made it back to church the following week, one of the hundreds of elderly women that hugged me without invitation whispered in my ear, "This Too Shall Pass."  Too date, that is the only woman over 50 years old that has made me cry, and the only thing I remember from those two weeks of self-pity.

You post brought back alot of memories.  That phrase will always be with me, as it was my only source of comfort during what was my first 'traumatic incident'. 

My heart goes out to you for your loss.  I have been lucky enough to be spared from the loss of a close family member in my young age, but I have no illusions that the mortality of my parents, siblings, and friends is a certainty.  Thank you for your words, JL.  And remember, this too shall pass.

Posted by Austin Smith, Goomzee.com (Goomzee) about 9 years ago

Vickie- You just have to let time take it's course.

Roy- Yes they are, thanks for stopping by.

Alan- Don't tell all my secrets alright.

Mike- Sometimes you just have to laugh.

Bill- Tragedy will make you think things over.

Posted by JL Boney, III, Columbia, SC Real Estate (Coldwell Banker) about 9 years ago

Sardi- Thank you sir.

Richard- My Mother and I certainly have some morbid curiosity, but what would you expect out of someone that created me.

Kim- It is an inevitable time in our lives, and yes it is difficult to accept, but I also think it's imperative to accept.

Liz- We were just planning ahead to make things easier when the time came.

Chris Ann- Thanks for stopping by.

Posted by JL Boney, III, Columbia, SC Real Estate (Coldwell Banker) about 9 years ago

Kristin- No it's not.

Sharon- Just for the record, they won't actually let you try one out, because at that point they consider them used. Fortunately it is illegal to sell used coffins.

Alyce- My Mom and I have an extremely good relationship, I consider myself very lucky for that.

Antonio- Sorry to hear of your troubles my friend, thanks for stopping by.

John- Thanks for hanging in there my friend.

Posted by JL Boney, III, Columbia, SC Real Estate (Coldwell Banker) about 9 years ago

William- I believe it's something that we should all at least consider discussing with our loved ones.

Lyn- I do what I can.

Bill- In the end, ourselves are the best thing to learn about.

Kellie- Sounds like you had a great Grandmother and that sounds a lot like the type of funeral I'd like to have.

Austin- Everything passes in one way or another my friend, we just have to determine how we will take it and what we will learn from it. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Posted by JL Boney, III, Columbia, SC Real Estate (Coldwell Banker) about 9 years ago

It seems like we put of thinking of this to avoid the issue.

Posted by Gene Riemenschneider, Turning Houses into Homes (Home Point Real Estate) about 9 years ago

What a nice fellow you are...bet your mom treasures you.  Very considerate to post the link to the person who is having a hard time as well.

Posted by Dana Wilkinson, Broker-Your TX agent for The Woodlands-Spring-Conr (Connect Realty, The Woodlands, TX) about 9 years ago

How kind of you to give mention of someone undergoing a sad time.  I visited Connie's blog and expressed my condolences.  And speaking as a Mom, your mother raised a fine young man! 

Posted by Kate Wheeler, CCIM - Murphy NC Real Estate for Sale (Country Homes and Land Murphy NC Realtor ) about 9 years ago

Our broker just talked about this yesterday in our sales meeting. He has been putting together a "legacy kit", dealing with all that you mentioned and then some. It even went into writing letters to your family members, doing videos, and more. It's always good to be as prepared as possible for these situations.

Thanks for the post.

Posted by Chad Boyers (The Danberry Co.- Toledo, Perrysburg, Sylvania, & NW OH) about 9 years ago

Thanks for the post -- the reminders that death is always with us are good to remember.  It helps me to live each day to the maximum, and pay attention to what is around me.  I stopped by Connie's too.

Posted by Alexsandra Stewart, Broker - Portland Oregon Real Estate (Remax equity group) about 9 years ago

My mother faces surgery for uterine cancer next week, so we have been forced to sit down and discuss all of these things. She is 80 and her prognosis is very good, but there is always that chance and we are aware of it.

When a family rift from my son threw my world for a loop my husband and /i took stock in our lives and sat down and made a will to make sure the people who really cared about us would be looked after. Life indeed is short and we must be prepared.

Posted by Barbara Tretola (RAC Real Estate Associates, Inc.) about 9 years ago

JL...that was very thoughtful of you, I did go visit with Connie.  Most of us have been in this place many times....not the best of times but must be handled nonetheless.  It always helps having friends beside you.  Hope your Memorial weekend is, well...memorable!

Posted by Gail MacMillan about 9 years ago

Gene- Yes we do.

Dana- I treasure my Mom as well.

Kate- Thank you very much.

Chad- I like the idea of a legacy kit and I am thinking of doing one myself.

Alexsandra- Reminders are always a good thing.

Barbara- I hope your Mother does well.

Gail- All too many I can assure you. Hope your weekend is great as well.

Posted by JL Boney, III, Columbia, SC Real Estate (Coldwell Banker) about 9 years ago

JL, I made it to the end of the post! ;) I stopped by your mom's and commented~just wanted to say I commend you for your forethought with your mom. Have a great day.

Posted by Buffy Creekmore, E-Pro Broker in Lexington Tennessee (Coldwell Banker McKee Realty) about 9 years ago

Buffy- The other post was from a friend here on AR, my Mom isn't around here. Thank you for stopping in and commenting on her post though, she was obviously going through a tough time.

Posted by JL Boney, III, Columbia, SC Real Estate (Coldwell Banker) about 9 years ago

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